Favorite Things

I've decided that my new favorite place is the playroom. I've installed my computer here by the futon and perched on the couch I can watch the girls play and read/write/laze about while feel like I'm not totally ignoring my children. It is also the one room that I can control the chaos in. The toys all have a place and it thrills me to no end to find the missing pieces of things...and make them come together again. To make them complete.

I wish I had the rest of my house in the order the playroom is in. But aside from the newly established sleeping space my house, literally and figuratively, is not in order.

I think Miss M and I are in similar spaces. And with the decision (not mine) to cancel the house cleaners I need to figure out fast how to keep it all together. But the cleaners had become a crutch and my intention to focus on clearing out the stuff and clutter between visits never materialized. I was able to limp along further with the thought that at least the bathroom was clean. Of course, it's been a month now since the sheets were changed...

Lists, systems, ways of functioning are meaningless when the hurdle I have to jump is my own inability to take action. If I can not do everything, and do it perfectly, I can not seem to begin at all. And I can not. Can. Not. Just do "one" extra item a day. It seems as though my days are hard enough to get through with the basics done. Tonight the decision was to bathe the children and not make dinner. Tomorrow we have appointments all day and somehow, I have to finish making the house guest worthy.

Of course, simply writing this is not helping. But maybe thinking what I need to do through is the first step in getting it done.