Meh

I go through phases these days and lately its been a down swing. When I hit a down swing its all I can do to actually get up and get through my day...let alone write about it.

I'm not sure where this is coming from. Usually it's stress of hormones or something concrete I can pin down and deal with then get over. This time its lasting. I haven't felt good in weeks. No energy. No desire to do anything. I get tired half way through the day and then I'm done. For good. Housework comes and goes in phases. I spent several days working on pieces of our bedroom and nothing else. Now I'm desperately trying to get the kitchen clean but it all seems so futile. I cook, I clean, I clean, I cook. It's a never ending circle of despair.

Don't even get going on the diet. That will put me over the edge and in to full blown tear phase.

The school project has been grinding me down. That's almost over, thank god. My adviser was so right to suggest I do this one class on its own after coming back from having a baby. It's killing me. Two more weeks. That's it. Two more weeks.

Maia was sick sick sick last week. Poor baby. Fever for four days, crankiness, then even worse a lethargy that left her folded over with her head on the floor, eyes open and staring, instead of playing with the toys in front of her. That's when I called the doctor for a second time and brought her in. The verdict? UTI. That's urinary tract infection for those lucky enough to never have had those words uttered at them. Of course there are complications to a bladder infection at this age. Physical immaturity of the urinary tract can lead to a "back flow" from the bladder to the kidneys and in case of infection, this can lead to kidney damage. Oy. So more tests for Maia. And a regular dose of antibiotics to maintain an infection-free urinary tract once the current infection has been thoroughly killed.

All this for a baby whose parents decry the over use of antibiotics and swore to take a "watch and see" approach with illness. See how things change in the thick of it. Of course, I understand that *possible* sensitivity to certain antibiotics in the future is a very small price to pay to avoid kidney damage. I'm simply pointing out the irony here.

I blame the formula for this infection. Another item on the long list of shot down "nevers".

I hope to feel pithy at some point again in the near future.

For the present, I don't expect much.